Back again! In the last week I have had far to many PITY PARTIES! ugh.....I am so sick of feeling down and getting knocked down by ridiculous people and their back talk and blowing smoke up my ASS!

{Whoops!} looks like you just got invited to another one of my parties.

So I kind of fell off the walking wagon in the past 7 days. I walked for 6 miles last Monday and then not again until today. I hate that it is such a struggle to get motivated. I also now have some family obligations that may force me to not attend the NHCASA 5K..... but as a back up I have a local 5K that I am going to do. I am debating whether to register as a runner or a walker. AND it is in 14 days......SO I REALLY NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!!

I have to many irons on the fire.....I just picked up another 4 books from the library adding that to the 5 I already have and the 1 I bought at CBC'10 (thank you Matt Townsend) I am trying to teach myself Photoshop since I can't afford to take a class at the college right now. I have over 500 photos to edit and post in about 300 different places, I am also planning to enter an art show and need to think about which photos to submit. The kids are so dang wired up and don't want to spend ANY time inside the house and my husband has taken over my computer so that the only time I have to do anything is either after midnight or before 8 AM......

{Whoops! I did it again, another pity party}

Well, my thoughts are leaving just as fast as they come, so I will go for now.

My Mom just got her wish.......

As soon as you get pregnant you start to hear the "stories" from your mom, grandma, aunts, friends and sometimes even strangers. Stories about how you were as a kid or other embarrassing things that kids do or say that burns into your memory bank FOREVER. Well, I did it many times to my mom and as she always said, "When you have kids, I hope you get what you gave." So with than being said.......SHE GOT HER WISH.

First, I will tell the story of me when I was a kid and then I will tell you what happened to me yesterday.

Ok, so fade back to the 80's......probably like '81 or '82. My mom was downtown shopping in the non-metropolis that was our small town when I informed her that I had to use the bathroom. So she asked the small town jeweler if we could use the restroom. They told her that normally it is not open to customers but there must have been something in my face that told them if we don't let this kid use the restroom she will "do it" on the floor anyway. So we proceeded to go to the far back depths of the building where they had their facilities. I personally don't remember them, but my mom has always described them as LESS THAN DESIRABLE. Anyway, I did my business and my mom was walking me out of the store thanking the clerks when I proceeded to announce, "You didn't even wipe my butt very well, or wash my hands." My mom also describes this part of the story by saying she couldn't get out of the store fast enough and at the same time her face was turning every color of the sunset.

Now flash forward to 2010, yesterday to be exact when I was at the park with my two monkeys. The oldest is getting potty trained and was wearing her big girl undies. I asked, do you need to go potty? as she was standing cross-legged at the top of the slide with a look of serious contemplation on her face. I was prepared with spare undies and shorts for what I was sure to come at the bottom of the slide. But to my surprise she said Yes, I need to go potty. So, I surveyed the situation. To my HORROR I realized the ONLY option would be a port-o-potty. I have admitted earlier that I am truly skeeved out by them. Anyway, we walked over and I opened the door expecting to be floored by an unforgettable stench being that it was 3:00PM on a hot, hot, sunny day. But to my surprise it did not have the typical odor that makes your eyes water. Alexandria also surveyed the potty and immediately said, "NO! I am not going potty outside." But I said, it's OK. and proceeded to strip her down and sat her down at the exact moment my brain came up with this horrifying scenario in which I had to pull her from the tank......YUCK

Anyway, while we were inside my son who I thought was inside the stroller had proceeded to get out and investigate the other port-o-potty. I was so proud of my Alexandria for going potty and couldn't have got her redressed fast enough to get over to Garrett and hope that he hadn't fallen into the other potty. Luckily that was not the case so I got him back into the stroller again and then I bribed my daughter with the promise of more stickers if she would stand beside the potty door while I used the facilities. I did not want to lock myself inside for fear of being stuck inside and for fear of having the kids outside and not being able to see them. So.......I proceeded to pull down my pants while my daughter was holding the door. I had forgot that I had "aunt flo" visiting and had a pad in my underpants until I heard my daughter say, "Mom! you went potty in your pants. Oh! Mom, why didn't you tell me you had to go pee?" I almost busted out laughing except for the fact that we were in a public park and she was standing there holding the door open. Which started off at being open 3 inches to now somehow being open 12 inches. I told her I was fine and that I hadn't gone potty to which she said, "Oh, you went poop? Mom! big girls don't go poop in their underwears." Still in shock about this conversation and trying to wrap things up as FAST as possible. Alexandria turned to her brother and said, "Garrett, mommy went poop in her underwears." and then said to him "Garrett make sure you tell ME if you need to go potty."

So finally I was able to get out of the port-o-potty and luckily did not have any casualties. We all re-applied the sunscreen and got ready for the long walk home. We left the park without any incidents and I was feeling pretty proud that I got through that situation. As we left the park and headed home we ran into one of my husbands co-workers and his daughter who is one of Alexandria's playmates. The first thing that came out of Alexandria's mouth was, "My mommy went pee outside and pooped in her underwears!" D. just looked at me with this puzzled kind of "why did you do that?" look. And then he proceeded to say, "You should have just come over to our house." I could feel my face starting to turn the shades of red my mom described and then I said, "It was Alexandria, she is being potty trained and it was her first time using a port-o-potty."

Here is my wish! That Alexandria and Garrett will continue the tradition that I set and have an embarrassing potty training experience with their children.

Back in the saddle again.....

THANK YOU! to my wonderfully mechanically inclined husband! He FIXED my treadmill. So I am back on track again. I walked tonight for 3.1 miles which is a 5K and it took 58 minutes. I hope to have that time cut in half by the deadline. Got some blisters on my feet and they are kind of achy too, so I am putting on the ICY HOT and going to bed.

A ri-DONK-ulous CAT-astrophe!

I am A ri-DONK-ulous CAT-astrophe!

First road bump in the Lay-Z-Boy to 5K challenge.

The F@#$*&^*&^ treadmill broke.

I do NOT like it when things break.

I get ANGRY!

and when I get ANGRY I start

CLEANING.

I'm sure you are thinking that is also

Ri-donk-ULOUS.

but it is true.

*Angry* is my alter-ego

with a cleaning problem.

dishwasher is loaded, running

laundry is folded, more washing

time for a new DISTRACTION.

can't go outside because

it's 48, REALLY?!? 48 in June

and it is

RAINING

so

I

guess

I will

watch

the

WORLD CUP

USA #8 DEMPSEY!!

1st goal!

all the horn blaring is annoying

so glad I have MUTE

Alexi LaLas

Holy Red-Headed Lamb-Chop loving FIFA sportscaster.

England #10 ROONEY

is HOTT

and he gets ANGRY too

and talks like a sailor

with an IRISH accent

MESMERIZED

by the X shaped shadows

Ok, enough with the center/CAPITAL talk. I am going to find something more constructive to do, or take a nap with the kids.

1 down 39 to go.....

OK! I am going to come clean. No more hiding behind falsities. I have 39 days until the deadline to register for the NH Casa 5K. There is also a 1/2 marathon but I thought I would try not to kill myself the first time out.

Now for the cold hard truth. I have been up and down in my weight, mostly UP for the last 15 years. I did loose over 60 lbs when we lived in CA but it didn't stay that way for long, by the time we moved home I was heavy again. I yo-yo'd for the next 4 years not really accomplishing anything. In 2006 I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, and then got pregnant again by the time my daughter was born I was the heaviest I had EVER been in my life but I didn't care because I was a fat and happy pregnant lady. I quickly lost ALL of the pregnancy weight by my 8wk check-up I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. At 12 weeks post-birth I was down an additional 10lbs and that is when I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! So I was the fat and happy pregnant lady once again. After my son was born in 2008 I again had the rapid weight loss by the check up appointment and it continued on for another 8-10 weeks and then the weight loss stopped. I was 20lbs below what I had started with the very first pregnancy so I felt pretty good and didn't stress about it to much.

How many people can say that in two years they had two babies and lost all pregnancy weight plus 20lbs and had great pregnancies too?

So now we are going to be celebrating the 3rd birthday and the 2nd birthdays of my kids and I am up 30lbs!

You may be saying "Oh, Boo-Hoo up 30lbs." but here is where the truth comes out. I had my husband take my measurements yesterday and I am going to post them now.

Weight: 250lbs

Neck: 15in

Bust: 47in

Waist: 45 1/2in

Hips: 51in

Arm(L): 17 1/2in

Thigh(L): 30in

Calf(L): 19in

So, what is the plan you may ask?

Well, first I am going to get on my treadmill every single day. Yesterday I walked two miles in 42 minutes. My first goal is to walk a 17 minute mile and my second goal is to walk/jog the 5k(3.1 miles) in 45 minutes, and my third goal which I hope to acheive by July 19th, 2010 is to walk/jog the 5k in 30 minutes. I am going to have the measurements taken again in 4 weeks.

To further inspire and humiliate myself, I will explain how I finally figured out I was REALLY FAT again. About three weeks ago I wanted to go on a little hike and take some photos of a waterfall in our area.

To get to this area I had to hike about 1/2 mile. That might not sound so hard, but I also had to push a stroller with my two kids. By the time I got to the top I was so out of breath I had to sit down for 10 minutes huffing and puffing on the way back down I knew I had hurt my back pretty bad. I decided to see the chiropractor as soon as I could and the doctor ordered some x-rays taken. It was during the review of these x-rays that I nearly threw up at the sight of my internal self. YUCK! I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I let myself get to that point. The following is NOT my x-ray but you will get the point.

Seeing that was an eye-opener and also having my picture taken with a true hottie at CBC'10. I can't believe I have let myself go. I am going to work on this everyday and will make sure it lasts this time.

I will end this today with the last two lines of "Invictus" a poem by William Ernest Henley.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Potty Train not 1880 Train

When I hear the word train I think of a ride I once took on the 1880 Train through the Black Hills in South Dakota. The smell of pine trees, the rolling hills and the crisp mountain air will always take me instantly back home with a feeling of peace and serenity. I think back to the life and times of South Dakota in 1880. It was bustling with the recent gold rush and influx of prospectors and families. Mothers then were also trying to potty train toddlers. Can you imagine what that was like with outhouses? I am shuddering at the thought mostly because outhouses make me gag. There is probably a support group and a name like portapottyobia. I'll google it later...

I am now the conductor of an entirely different kind of train, "The Potty Train." One that has invoked tears through both exhaustive efforts and smells. One that for weeks on end seems to go nowhere at all. One that is the opposite of peace and serenity, which if you are wondering is conflict and chaos. When my husband and I were frequently asked during the first 6 years of our marriage "When are you going to start a family" I always said, "When they come out potty trained." I knew all along that this was going to be the hardest part for me. Changing diapers really doesn't bother me much but the whole potty seat, wet toilet paper, getting poop out of underwear thing really gets to me.

If I won the lottery, I would totally hire a "potty trainer" to come and get it done for me, and if wishes came true. I would have both kids done by the end of this summer. That is probably asking for to much since the youngest is just starting to wean from breastfeeding. And the fact that my hormones are all out of whack because of the weaning, may be making this training thing extra difficult.

So, I will stop complaining for now because I have just been informed, "Mom, I'm a little bit poopy."

Gorilla Glue....not for waxing

Ever read the warning/precaution labels on products before your first use? Or do you just start using the product and then when it is not working the way you thought it should you start to investigate? Well, sometimes those warning labels are there to let you know in advance some dumb ass has already tried this and it doesn't work and then they tried to sue us so now we are forced to write it on everyone of our products just on the off chance that you want to try the same thing. Well, Mr. Precaution you were thrown to the wind. In your place is a sticky, inflamed raw spot on the upper lip of the newest crowned Jack-Ass :)

Feeling defeated....

Sick to death of the never enough money situation. I wish I had hind-sight, that could really pay the bills. Spend the whole day yesterday brain-storming and now it just feels like an F5 dismantled my brain. Trying to repeat the phrase EXPECT NOTHING, ACCEPT EVERYTHING as God's plan. It might be easier to expect and accept if I had some idea of what I am supposed to be doing, even some sort of clue that I am on the right path.

It has been a productive day sort of, I was able to get dishes done, laundry put away, floors vacuumed. I wanted to get a workout in but now we are watching Alice in Wonderland. Last night we watched Extraordinary Measures. It was a feel good movie with a happy ending.

Fire & Ice sunset

It has to start somewhere. So here it is. My Ah-ha moment happened last night after I saw a picture of myself and I did not recognize who I was, am. I have been hiding behind the excuses and my camera lens for to long. This moment has happened to me before and I am going to make sure I get life-long results this time. I can't leave it up to chance any more and hope that results will fall into place. I need to go out and get them for myself.