My Mom just got her wish.......

As soon as you get pregnant you start to hear the "stories" from your mom, grandma, aunts, friends and sometimes even strangers. Stories about how you were as a kid or other embarrassing things that kids do or say that burns into your memory bank FOREVER. Well, I did it many times to my mom and as she always said, "When you have kids, I hope you get what you gave." So with than being said.......SHE GOT HER WISH.

First, I will tell the story of me when I was a kid and then I will tell you what happened to me yesterday.

Ok, so fade back to the 80's......probably like '81 or '82. My mom was downtown shopping in the non-metropolis that was our small town when I informed her that I had to use the bathroom. So she asked the small town jeweler if we could use the restroom. They told her that normally it is not open to customers but there must have been something in my face that told them if we don't let this kid use the restroom she will "do it" on the floor anyway. So we proceeded to go to the far back depths of the building where they had their facilities. I personally don't remember them, but my mom has always described them as LESS THAN DESIRABLE. Anyway, I did my business and my mom was walking me out of the store thanking the clerks when I proceeded to announce, "You didn't even wipe my butt very well, or wash my hands." My mom also describes this part of the story by saying she couldn't get out of the store fast enough and at the same time her face was turning every color of the sunset.

Now flash forward to 2010, yesterday to be exact when I was at the park with my two monkeys. The oldest is getting potty trained and was wearing her big girl undies. I asked, do you need to go potty? as she was standing cross-legged at the top of the slide with a look of serious contemplation on her face. I was prepared with spare undies and shorts for what I was sure to come at the bottom of the slide. But to my surprise she said Yes, I need to go potty. So, I surveyed the situation. To my HORROR I realized the ONLY option would be a port-o-potty. I have admitted earlier that I am truly skeeved out by them. Anyway, we walked over and I opened the door expecting to be floored by an unforgettable stench being that it was 3:00PM on a hot, hot, sunny day. But to my surprise it did not have the typical odor that makes your eyes water. Alexandria also surveyed the potty and immediately said, "NO! I am not going potty outside." But I said, it's OK. and proceeded to strip her down and sat her down at the exact moment my brain came up with this horrifying scenario in which I had to pull her from the tank......YUCK

Anyway, while we were inside my son who I thought was inside the stroller had proceeded to get out and investigate the other port-o-potty. I was so proud of my Alexandria for going potty and couldn't have got her redressed fast enough to get over to Garrett and hope that he hadn't fallen into the other potty. Luckily that was not the case so I got him back into the stroller again and then I bribed my daughter with the promise of more stickers if she would stand beside the potty door while I used the facilities. I did not want to lock myself inside for fear of being stuck inside and for fear of having the kids outside and not being able to see them. So.......I proceeded to pull down my pants while my daughter was holding the door. I had forgot that I had "aunt flo" visiting and had a pad in my underpants until I heard my daughter say, "Mom! you went potty in your pants. Oh! Mom, why didn't you tell me you had to go pee?" I almost busted out laughing except for the fact that we were in a public park and she was standing there holding the door open. Which started off at being open 3 inches to now somehow being open 12 inches. I told her I was fine and that I hadn't gone potty to which she said, "Oh, you went poop? Mom! big girls don't go poop in their underwears." Still in shock about this conversation and trying to wrap things up as FAST as possible. Alexandria turned to her brother and said, "Garrett, mommy went poop in her underwears." and then said to him "Garrett make sure you tell ME if you need to go potty."

So finally I was able to get out of the port-o-potty and luckily did not have any casualties. We all re-applied the sunscreen and got ready for the long walk home. We left the park without any incidents and I was feeling pretty proud that I got through that situation. As we left the park and headed home we ran into one of my husbands co-workers and his daughter who is one of Alexandria's playmates. The first thing that came out of Alexandria's mouth was, "My mommy went pee outside and pooped in her underwears!" D. just looked at me with this puzzled kind of "why did you do that?" look. And then he proceeded to say, "You should have just come over to our house." I could feel my face starting to turn the shades of red my mom described and then I said, "It was Alexandria, she is being potty trained and it was her first time using a port-o-potty."

Here is my wish! That Alexandria and Garrett will continue the tradition that I set and have an embarrassing potty training experience with their children.

Potty Train not 1880 Train

When I hear the word train I think of a ride I once took on the 1880 Train through the Black Hills in South Dakota. The smell of pine trees, the rolling hills and the crisp mountain air will always take me instantly back home with a feeling of peace and serenity. I think back to the life and times of South Dakota in 1880. It was bustling with the recent gold rush and influx of prospectors and families. Mothers then were also trying to potty train toddlers. Can you imagine what that was like with outhouses? I am shuddering at the thought mostly because outhouses make me gag. There is probably a support group and a name like portapottyobia. I'll google it later...

I am now the conductor of an entirely different kind of train, "The Potty Train." One that has invoked tears through both exhaustive efforts and smells. One that for weeks on end seems to go nowhere at all. One that is the opposite of peace and serenity, which if you are wondering is conflict and chaos. When my husband and I were frequently asked during the first 6 years of our marriage "When are you going to start a family" I always said, "When they come out potty trained." I knew all along that this was going to be the hardest part for me. Changing diapers really doesn't bother me much but the whole potty seat, wet toilet paper, getting poop out of underwear thing really gets to me.

If I won the lottery, I would totally hire a "potty trainer" to come and get it done for me, and if wishes came true. I would have both kids done by the end of this summer. That is probably asking for to much since the youngest is just starting to wean from breastfeeding. And the fact that my hormones are all out of whack because of the weaning, may be making this training thing extra difficult.

So, I will stop complaining for now because I have just been informed, "Mom, I'm a little bit poopy."